e-Matchmaking: Can a Computer Program Find Love For You?

Logged on to a dating site the other day and was greeted by a large, flashing message. It promised that if I took the time to answer a series of questions that they would find a "perfect match" for me. Imagine that? All the work and worry of being single - gone! We truly have evolved! Not only can computer programs manage the entire traffic system of a city and make chess grandmasters cry, but now they can lead my perfect match right to my doorstep. I always wanted a Stepford wife, I hope it comes assembled. The recent trend in Internet Dating has been the use of a "computer personality test" of some sort. Websites claim that these tests, usually developed by a "top psychologist", have the ability to understand you and your needs through a series of questions. Confused? Lost in love? Problems communicating? Don't worry, the Online Dating Hal 5000 can figure you out! In fact, when you're done, this computer program will know your needs and desires better than you do. Remember the Broadway play "Fiddler on The Roof"? You might not, it was the first Broadway play I went to when I was seven. A song that always stuck in my head for some reason was "matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match…" The song starts as a plea to the matchmaker to bring true love straight to the altar; someone beautiful, rich, intelligent, and perfect.

But by the end of the song, the singer realizes that the Matchmaker might not be up to the task. She decides that "playing with matches, a girl can get burned".

So, do these tests really work?

Personality tests have a long history. Really, really smart guys with names like Freud, Maslov, Fromm, and Jung developed respected psychological theories, and these theories are used as the basis for all types of tests. "The Big Five" theory suggests that there are five dimensions of personality: openness to experience, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism. Some popular personality tests use this as a foundation. Others go the "Big Three" route, which does away with the "openness" and "agreeableness" dimensions - mostly because it's easier to remember.

I joke a little about these theories, but the truth is that they've survived the test of time and there is a ton of scientific research behind them. The real question is if these tests can be effective in applying a theory to the complexity of a human being. Add to this the additional layer of meshing your answers with another, equally complex person. That's a tall order.

People have impulsive behavior that simply can't be measured when they're sitting, relaxed and introspective, taking one of these tests. Often our answers reflect our perfect (or hopeful) idea of ourselves. Even if we are trying our best to be honest, our impulsive behavior in real-life situations can be far different than we'd expect.

Another wildcard is attraction. We can meet someone who's empirically good-looking, has a similar background, is kind and successful - and yet we're not attracted. Often we can't explain why we like another person. It may be how they make us laugh, a crooked smile - even how they smell! Sometimes little things that are immeasurable on their own can collectively make us attracted.

Human beings and our emotions and desires are far too complex, and a computer program can't solve the riddles of our romantic lives. As Jung put it, "the meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances; if there is a reaction both are transformed". It sounds good, but even Jung was hedging his bet when it comes to love. What will cause two individuals to react to each other? Even the developers of the study of personality would not presume that a series of questions could predict romance.

If you rely solely on matchmaking services, you are missing the entire beauty of online dating. The beauty is opportunity. Online dating offers you an almost limitless opportunity to meet and date new people. It gives you the time and space to find what best suits you. Going to a quality dating site that isn't trying to sell you fantasy of finding your match for you will mean you will have a pool of millions of singles to meet.

Treat matchmaking options as just another fun way to explore. It can serve as an ice breaker to start a conversation, but don't expect them to be the answer to finding your perfect match. Keep all options open and explore possibilities. As a unique individual, only can you know what works for you. You need to develop skills to communicate and meet people. Developing both online and offline dating skills is the best way to find the right relationship.

Next time you're brushing your teeth, take a look in the mirror. See that amazing person? That's your matchmaker with a mouthful of toothpaste. Take charge of your life and get into action! Enjoy dating and enjoy the process of discovery. Your experiences, both good and not-so-good, are essential to finding the right person for you.

About the Author

Devlyn Steele ("America's Leading Life-Coach") is a Relationship Coach, Life-Coach, radio host, columnist, and the developer of ToolsToLife.com. . His new program OnlineDatingKit.com teaches Internet daters the skills they need to find their perfect matches on their own.

Adult Dating

Today's cyber world has change the way we date. In the old days, we met our partners on a blind date, via some friends, at a party or alike. Now days, we have the online dating.

As the world became more and more "open minded", people have the opportunity the find what they were always fantasizing right here, on the internet. Up until now, if you felt "naughty" and wanted to have a flirt/one night stand/discreet relationship etc, you needed to go out and find it or to look in the old style classified. Now days, you can find it all on the internet. The biggest problem is to find the right site, as most of them are some kind of adult site that shows photos/movies and the others are kind of "hardcore" sites.

If you are looking for a site that will give you the opportunity to find that "open minded" parent, you will find it more difficult, and you will probably going to search a lot on the search engines to find a site that is more "soft core" but still target your kind of search.

What is the difference between adult dating sites and normal dating sites? Well, liberated dating sites target people that are more interested in casual sex or casual relationships. Whereas most online daters are looking for something more than just a casual fling. One of these kinds of sites is http://www.onenightstanddate.com/

It is a new fresh open-minded down to earth site with exactly the kind of "soft core" style, which puts you in the right mood but not over doing it. On OneNightStandDate.com, You will find personal advertisements for individuals who want sex while they travel for business or pleasure, people looking to meet for real sex, women and men looking for alternative partners or people who want to find a date for Saturday night and people seeking casual and/or discrete partners for fun and adventure.

There are greater risks associated with primarily adult dating agencies, but this one provides useful guides for meeting people off-line, which makes you feel safe and more ready to try this kind of dating - follow these guidelines to the letter - they are there for your protection.

OneNightStandDate.com offers the latest features of the online dating service, which helps you communicate is many different ways in order to find your partner and still have some fun while you search:

ShoutBoxPrivate

photo gallery

Private BLOG

Top-rated profiles lookup

Zodiac signs lookup in profiles and search results

Password-protected members photos

Messenger with storing system

Advanced control panel for members (profile status and all-contacts information)

Media (video and audio messages for profiles)

Configurable Flash-based online live-chat system

Instant messenger with photos and history

Advanced search - Search for online members, searching members, communicating (in IM) members...

USA states and ZIP codes search options

Matchmaking (auto search based on user-specified criteria)

Cupid mail (matchmaking results auto-sending

What is greater about it is that this site is free.

The Owner of the site wrote about OnenightStandDate.com's services: "We all want it. We all wish we could, we all try to find it... but how, where and when? Here, in OneNightStandDate.com you will find exactly what you are looking for as the other members look for the same thing as you. We are NOT a sex site, as we do not provide any kind of porno or alike. We are the place for you to relax and find exactly what you are looking for, enjoy and meet that person that you will have some fun with."

To get a free full functional profile, join on http://www.onenightstanddate.com/ and remember to have fun while you are there.

About the Author

Yair Czitrom is the owner and webmaster of www.onenightstanddate.com - An experienced online dater that took his dating knowledge and web skills as a dater and as an IT pro to help other fun seekers in today's cyber world. He is an expert writer on ezinearticles.com and searchwarp.com

Write a Better Online Personal Ad

If you are going to invest time or money in using a matchmaking website, you should really pay some attention to writing a profile that will get you some responses. People will not be interested in emailing you if you do not do something to make yourself stand out from the masses of people using personal ads.

I administer several dating websites. People frequently write in saying, "I never get any replies to my ad." And when I go look at the ad, I find that they have not filled out the profile, or added a photo. Who can tell if they want to email you if there is no information? Not quite as bad, but still ineffective, is a profile that says, "Email me for details" or "looking for a nice person." You can't bother to write a paragraph to find the love of your life? Or even a fun date for the weekend?

Here are some guidelines for writing effective personal ad blurbs:

INVESTMENT. Decide that this is worth spending some time on, or don't bother. You wouldn't submit a sloppy resume, would you? This is about making a good first impression, because there will be no second chance once someone clicks to the next ad.

MARKETING. You are marketing yourself... trying to stand out in a crowd. You are the "product." and the people you want to meet are your customers. Think about who you want to meet, and then think about who THEY want to meet! How can you tell them that YOU are the person they want to meet? Magazine ads, for example, grab your attention, make you laugh, they make you think "wow, what a great thing... I want to buy it." They can be short, but pack a punch. If they are long, they tell a good story. Marketers test their different ad campaigns, and you should, too. Try placing different ads to see what gets you a better result.

PREPARATION. Before you log in anywhere, do some thinking and writing. Don't wait until you are faced with a blinking cursor to write your blurb. Give serious thought to how you will describe yourself and the person you hope to find. Write at least two paragraphs, one about yourself, and one about the person you seek. Ask someone you trust to read those paragraphs and comment on how well they reflect who you are and what you want. Save that text to cut and paste into dating website forms. Have a digital photo or two ready.

OPENING LINES. Use your username... don't be Bob3456... be PaintBallPrincess or SecretSuperHero or something else that reflects your sense of humor and yourself. If the ad allows you a "subject line" also use that well... "Need woman in Atlanta" doesn't cut it. "Atlanta man on a mission" sounds more interesting. "Atlanta Knight seeks his Queen" tells a different story about who you are seeking. Use your username and subject line to hook people into your ad. Use humor, drama, a funky metaphor. Then, like any good ad, you want to show them you are what they need, show them why you are unique, and invite them to take action... by emailing you!

DETAILS. Write in complete sentences. Spelling and grammar DO count. We have modern tools to help with that. You want to look like you find this task important enough to spell out the words. Unless you are 15 years old, writing "If u r inrested n me, wrt 2 me" makes you LOOK 15 years old. ALL CAPS IS LIKE SHOUTING... don't. It is actually harder to read.

HONESTY. If you are not honest with yourself and others, you will not find happiness in the personals. Are you married? You know, people CAN figure that out and will resent the lie more than the wedding ring. Without making any value judgements, putting down "married" will not necessarily stop you from finding matches. If you are just looking for a casual date, don't imply that you are looking for marriage just to get more email... it wastes everyone's time. If you are looking for a long-term thing, don't think you can "convince" a casual date to spend more time with you. You are asking for disappointment. Try completing this sentence: "In a year, I'd like to see us doing...."

STRINGS. Guys, I see many you making a crucial mistake in your profiles. You will find that women are seldom looking for a "no strings relationship." There simply is no such thing... if it is a relationship, it has strings of SOME sort. If you don't want strings, you are looking for an escort service. Women of any description can find casual physical relationships without lifting a finger to a keyboard. Don't lie, but think about which "strings" are okay with you. "Seeking Torrid Summer Romance" is fine and honest. So is, "I am not eager to move in or get married. I want to have a regular date for parties and cookouts with my friends." Ladies, this counts for you, too. If your personal ad sounds like you might be offering paid sexual services, you are going to get some rude offers. You might avoid phrases like, "looking for a wealthy man with good taste in jewelry."

BEYOND PHYSICAL. Have you ever really dated someone just for their eye color? OK, maybe you have spectacular eyeballs. But ads tend to reel off personal stats... and then stop there, as though there were nothing but a body. Most personal sites let you click things to describe your eyes, hair, and height... don't waste valuable profile space on your hair. Talk about who you are first, and what you look like at the end. Want to know the number one thing surveyed women look for in a guy? A sense of humor.

AVOID NEGATIVES. This is not the place to list all the things that drove you crazy about your ex and how you won't put up with that again. Don't list what you don't want... discuss what you DO want. Turn your own lifestyle quirks into positives, not obstacles. Workaholic? Try, "My career keeps me very busy, so I need someone with a flexible schedule for spontaneous one-day adventures." Frugal to a fault? Try "I find it amusing to squeeze a nickel 'til it screams... help me research for my web column "CheapDates for CheapSkates." Worried people will regard your children as an obstacle? "My family is very important to me and I hope to find someone that will enjoy the attention of a warm family circle."

POST A PHOTO. Website statistics show that an ad with a photo is 80% more likely to get a response. A photo that shows you relaxed and having fun, no matter what you look like, is even better. Don't use a photo that isn't current.. it isn't worth looking so insecure, or being rejected later. Don't rush to ask for a photo... you may look like a "pic trader," someone who is collecting photos rather than looking for a real date. Don't stress about your looks... attraction is about more than looks. Yes, we often are first attracted to someone by looks, when we meet in person. But on the Internet, if you seem like a jerk, you won't get the chance to meet in person.

LIFE STAGES. People often say that "age" is not as important as "life stage." Where are you in your life? Just starting out in a new career? Settled into life with kids? Empty-nesting? Exploring new interests? These are things that matter. Talk about what is important in your life. "I am established in my career and now turning my attention to the great books I never had time to read." "I moved to this state for a job after college, and I am looking for dates with a lot of outdoors-loving friends to help me build a sporty new social circle."

FAVORITE THINGS. Listing ALL your favorite things is dizzying.. Choose one good example and talk about why you like it. Choose something that gives the reader an insight into what you enjoy. You want people to be able to spot things you have in common, but also feel that there is something new and interesting to learn about you. Interest them in learning more with a "teaser" about something fascinating about you. Ask a question for them to answer in the reply email.

RULES. Never... NEVER include your last name, phone number or address. Observe the rules of the various websites... some do not allow you to post web addresses or email addresses. Many prohibit crude language or sexual references. Getting your ad removed by breaking rules is a waste of time.

So... let your personality be shown in a tasteful way, take the time to do a good job, and have a good photo. Those things alone will put you far ahead of the misspelled anonymous pack. Best of luck!

About the author: Tracy Brant is a freelance writer and an editor at Dateable.com. She can be contacted at tracy@dateable.com.

www.Dateable.com is an exciting online community for singles, couples and romance lovers. Dateable.com has romantic resources, advice, poetry, greeting cards, and more. Dateable.com also features specialty matchmaking services. Whether you are looking for a soulmate or a playmate, visit http://dateable.com/